Have you ever noticed that line in the Lord’s Prayer? Often, we have said it so many times that we skip right over it. “Forgive us, God, the way we have forgiven others”. God wants us to forgive others and not cultivate bitterness. Forgiving others is not denying that they hurt us, or ignoring it either. Getting out of the bitterness trap starts by honestly confronting hurts in our life and energized-by-grace doing something about each one!
Here are some basic steps.
Make a list of the people who have hurt you.
This is always easiest for us because that is what we remember the best: the offenses others commit against us. Just jot names and things they have done to hurt you. Here are some typical hurts: “My parents did not keep their promises.” “They gave more love and affection to other members of the family.” “My dad took out his bad temper on me.” “My wife tries to make me into something I’m not.” “My friend wasn’t there when I needed him,” etc.
Make another list of the things you have done to hurt them.
Whoa, this is the hard part. Pride effectively edits our memories of the wrongs we do by shifting the blame, hiding our guilt, and so on. Our flesh likes our faults to stay hidden from others, so pray and ask God to shine the light of the Spirit upon your heart and expose ways you have harmed others.
One of the hardest things to do is to really clear the debts between parents and children. You could put down things like: laziness, ungratefulness (when was the last time you ever thanked your parents – just called them and thanked them?), deceitfulness (what have you done behind their backs to make them distrust you?), etc.
Making a list of those I have wronged is vital. Only when we agree with God about our sin, and see it as He sees it, can we be forgiven (1 John 1:9). One of the results of making such a list is that we find that in most of the ways that we have been hurt, we hurt others. My pride maximizes others’ faults and minimizes mine. This exercise will bring reality into focus.
From GEW-09f – Grace-Energized Mothers Deal with Bitterness (070624PM)
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